Gay and gay.

Ask. I’ll Answer.

You know where to find me :)

Ask. I’ll Answer.

Getting my professional license. Hopefully!

Ask. I’ll Answer.

I was excited for my vacation. Simply because I’m so sick of the Clinics and I’m not really feeling spending my christmas in the college.

As always, I just wanted to be home. With my loved one. Just seeing him and hugging him makes everything alright. 

But… despite all this jitters, thesis proposal is not yet approved. I’m getting really pissed at it. And I’m getting dizzy whenever I get to type and edit it. I think it will never end. But seriously… I wanted it to finish. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 

Hmmm… I missed blogging. I have plenty of free times now so I’ll be freakin’ back! Yay!

It was more than a year since I went to UP Diliman (Academic Oval). It was bittersweet. It was like, I am in a place where so much had happened. The place that is part of my past. 

A friend of mine (my former ex friend. haha) was assisting me in my seminar paper (thesis) and part of our implied contract was for me to assist him in his jogging and smoking habits. He invited me to jog in UP Diliman, although he knew that place makes me uncomfortable. But me, being a good friend and assistant, I accepted his invitation. There are thousands of people in Diliman, I thought. It’s not like He and I will randomly bump into each other.

Let me share every bit of what I thought and felt during that visit. 

- I was nervous. Really. I don’t know why. I decided not to leave the car.

- Almost every corner has memories. I dismissed them right away.

- Since it was an impromptu invitation, I was a little disappointed in myself for not wearing something good. I only wore a dent shirt and shorts with my keds sneakers. LOL.

- Every time I walk out of the car, I felt like my ex will just be around any second. I was literally looking around 360.

- There was a part of me of wanting to see him, and a part of me that don’t.

- Do I still have feelings for him? Probably not anymore. But I’m happy that his world is getting a lot broader. 

- He must have been happy. Diliman is a happy place. For me, not anymore.

- The only place that makes me 100% comfortable now is Expo. When I was in Diliman, all I can think about is I wanna go to Expo right at that moment because that’s where I belong now.

I am actually okay… despite the fact that I don’t wanna go there anymore. It is not a place for me. Years ago when I was there just sitting on the grass at Sunken Garden with Ivy, I was fantasizing about being a girlfriend of one of the guys there. It came true. Haha! But now, it’s more of a deserted place for me. That place also reminded me of myself not using my brain for most of the time. LOL.

I don’t own an iPad yet… I just have an iPod that gets me through everyday. Steve Jobs’ death made an impact on me. It’s just sad that someone so great just passed away.

I’ve been called baby, wifey, baby girl…

But it feels nice when you just call me by name. Priceless.

I never felt this frustrated on my whole clinic sems. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, since time is really running out, and I’m not as confident about my work anymore. Everything is very challenging. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing my enthusiasm. 

I’m praying to the Lord right now, to give me strength in my clinic life, to help me gain confidence and to give me enough and just time.

Lord, please.